You’ve been together since high school. Or maybe you just met that summer before you went away for college. What are the chances your romance will last while you’re separated by distance, attending different colleges, or perhaps one of you working in your hometown and the other going to school?
How this works out will depend not only on mutual levels of commitment, but also how you conduct yourself in what’s likely to be at least four years apart. And really, the most likely scenario here is that one of you or both will meet someone else, and you split up. Anyway, here are some more things to think about:
Give Him/Her Some Space
t may sound crazy, but as much as you need to maintain regular and meaningful contact with your significant other, you also need to give your baby boo some space. Frantic texting and phone calls can seem needy, and is really not a great look if the other party is enjoying the experience of meeting new people and expanding his/her frontiers. But if you want to submit your relationship to a test by fire, then by all means drive your partner screaming in the other direction. This is especially applicable if you’re older than your girlfriend or boyfriend, and have already experienced all the fun stuff that she/he is getting ready to do, whether in crazy college-town Athens (for Ohio University) or the big, scary city of Columbus (for Ohio State).
Ground Rules Are Important
Lay down some ground rules before you part. Talk out the relationship and what you hope happens – together forever? Nothing wrong with that, although you’re young, and feelings can change. Or do you both think you should see other people while you’re apart? Agreeing to see other people, of course, means there’s more of a chance one of you will meet someone else. On the other hand, of course you’re going to meet other people, whether you’re exclusive with your partner or not. Trying to maintain an exclusive relationship may be too ambitious, considering all of the social pressures and options at college. Sometimes giving each other some air can be the best way to preserve a relationship.
Think of ingenious ways to stay in touch – from a care package of fave snacks during a rough week, to nice undies you hope to see the other in when you meet again. The COVID-19 pandemic, if it’s taught us anything, it’s how easy people can stay together apart, through Zoom, FaceTime, Skype and other long-distance communication apps.
Plan Opportunities for Intimacy Carefully
As for intimacy, you’ll have to work out the details, from snuggling in the dorm room (your roommate likely will protest – for good reason – if your significant other is planning weekly visits) to frequent weekends in your five-person rental house with roommates traipsing through. It can get boring just holing up in a bedroom, so do add some variety by going out to someplace new now and then.
A little jealousy is natural and OK, so make your feelings known. Don’t really care for how your partner’s study mate seems to be after him with excessive texting? Let him know but keep a sense of humor about it. Tease, don’t attack. Clinginess and jealousy can be a relationship killer.
Don’t make the mistake of planning a surprise visit. You may be unpleasantly surprised when you show up at a local bar where your partner is flirting with that hottie from his/her psychology class. If he’s lucky, a friend will see you coming in the front door of the bar early enough where he can warn your partner to escape out the back.
Maybe You Weren’t Meant for Each Other; That’s OK
Finally, if your great home-town relationship doesn’t survive college, maybe that’s all for the best. When people mature in their early adult years, they often grow out of the romantic attachments and preferences they had in high school or early college. It’s not the end of the world if you leave that behind, and begin interacting with people who are more like you.